Don't Judge the book by its cover




"Dad, I want to pursue my higher education in Canada.", I said while trying to convince my Dad reluctantly.

"Beta, I'm glad you expressed it to me. Even my friend's daughter has gone to some college in Canada. I was thinking to ask you if you'd like to join the same college. She is liking it there. Let me know what do you want me to do to help you in this case."came his reply.

Wow! That was something unexpected or may be I was just underestimating my Dad. I jumped with joy and excitement as my half of the struggle is done.

"How would she survive there? Look at her! Such a thin girl who doesn't even know how to make tea for herself?" came a feeble voice of an old relative who was listening to the whole conversation between the father and the daughter.

"Have you gone mad? Aren't there enough colleges in India when you are trying to send her off this far? You are doing a mistake, I'm telling  you. You'll repent it later." the voice kept convincing my dad to change his decision.

My dad who is always firm in his decisions, replied, "You don't worry. She has every right to live up to her dream as much as her brother has! For your concern about her cooking skills, an empty stomach can make every one learn how to earn and learn".

Here I was, in 4 months and 12 days, breathing in Toronto.

Two years later
"Madamji, I'll take care of your luggage.", said the helper at the Delhi airport who looked in his early thirties.

"No, I am fine. Thank you. I can carry it by myself." was my reply after the worker was too keen on putting my luggage on the cart.

"Madamji, you are alone and look so weak. How would you carry and drag it all the way to the immigration counter by yourself?", said the helper resistantly, who could help other passengers who probably needed him more than me. He was keen on engaging himself in a conversation with me.

I was thankful to him for offering his help but he was judging me and was sympathizing with me because I was the only girl travelling alone and according to him, I looked weak and probably needed help. He also had thought that a girl travelling alone could be an easy target of his perversions. I could be tired after 30 hours of flight but not weak.

Not to sound arrogant, I ignored him completely and walked off quickly.

5 more years later
Weddings are the perfect excuses for me to visit India, where my heart belongs to. They say, "Home is where your heart is". I was in the midst of greeting relatives at the wedding I was attending and I was loving it to see everyone after such a long time.

"Namaste Auntieji! How have you been?" I greeted one of the aunties I was seeing after a long time.

"Namaste beta! You haven't changed a bit after so many years. I heard people have fair complexion and they are more stylish when they return from Canada after so many years, but you are still the same dusky girl!", came auntie's response to my greetings, pulling my cheeks simultaneously.

"For god sake auntieji, I was studying in Canada and working at 2 part-time jobs concurrently to pay off my studies. I didn't have maids like you to work for me. By the way, I didn't go to a different country to pursue how to look stylish and light skinned!" I whispered.

My mom standing next to me felt bad as well and she replied to auntie on my behalf, "Since my daughter is too nice to respond you on this, let me tell you that she is a university gold-medallist and a post-graduate with honours from a Canadian University. She neither puts make-up on nor does she dress to please anyone. She is capable enough to express herself through what she has achieved not what others perceive. By the way, Canada does not offer beauty classes where Indian people can go and turn white."

Whoa! My mom just turned into Jhansi ki Rani who fought for her daughter, proud of you mom!
Judging a person does not define who they are...it defines who you are - #IAmCapable - IncredibleOpinions



How many of us though will have to face this criticism based on our appearances because definitely not everyone of us is going to be saved by moms and that too everytime, right?

  • 69% of men agree that their judgement of women is based on their looks.
  • 64% of women agree that the judgements passed on them have affected their ability to reach their true potential.
  • 70% of women agree that majority of judgements on women are from family members or friends rather than strangers.
  • 72% of women agree that working women face more judgements on their looks or their clothes than housewives.
Statistically, married women and the prospective brides are subjected to more scrutiny in terms of their appearances, irrespective of their education and other skills they possess. They lose their right to express their freedom in terms of dressing up when they tie the sacred nuptial bond with their soulmates. The scrutinizing eyes are always on them and they have to dress up to please the society more than themselves. If daughter-in-law is little darker than her in-law's family, then God forbid the mortifying stare and tease she has to go through. 
Don't judge me by my hair color, my skin color, my body size or my outer beauty, because if you do, you might miss who I really am. #IAmCapable - Incredible Opinions


Some people argue that we dress as we think and one must dress good to look good but in my humble opinion, appearances can be deceptive. If a woman is covered up, it doesn't necessarily means that she is close-minded. Wisdom and attitude matters more than the appearance. Every woman is unique. This uniqueness can be in her gentle touch, smile, compassion, beauty of tears, little acts of kindness, sense of humour, self-confidence or her expressions rather than her appearance. In my diverse country, I shouldn't find it difficult to explain what the essence of beauty is. 

We must amend the definition of beauty in the constitution of orthodoxy and keep ourselves abreast with the rest of the world which exists without the irrational judgments based on appearances.

I’m breaking stereotypes based on appearance by sharing my experience for the #IAmCapable activity at BlogAdda in association with Nihar Naturals.

12 comments:

  1. Nice write up , good to read your experience .

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    1. Thank you Ghazala. I am glad you liked it. Do keep coming!

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  2. Nice to read it , I am waiting for next writing. Proud of you

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  3. Well written, waiting for your next writing. You right parents support done your half a way.

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    1. Yes, you are right. It is all about opportunities.

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  4. Parents are real support in our life, nicely expressed... Read my post and share your thoughts. http://www.womanzie.com/2016/02/the-girl-i-met-in-office.html

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    1. Thank you Dipannita. Glad you liked it. Do keep visiting!

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