Archive for 2015

New Year's eve is around the corner and a few of us must be busy making new resolutions for 2016. It is a personal decision to achieve something on personal level and we always want our goals to come out better than last year. This is where New Year's resolutions come into play.

I surveyed about 20 friends and relatives of mine, I found the following top 5 resolutions which are shared by almost all of them:

TOP 5 NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

1. Get organized
2. Get back on the fitness track
3. Quit Smoking/Drinking
4. Save more
5. Learn something new and exciting

FAILURE VS. SUCCESS

According to the university of Scranton, roughly about 8% of people achieve success in their new year's resolution whereas 92% don't.

MEN VS. WOMEN

source: http://www.self.com/flash/health-blog/2015/01/new-years-resolutions-men-vs-women/

COMMONLY BROKEN NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

You'll be surprised to find that the top 5 new year's resolutions and 5 commonly broken new year's resolutions are almost the same. Therefore, it is most likely that the positivity in your ambition will result in failure. Research says that most of the resolutions die by the end of JANUARY.

data source: time.com

TIPS TO KEEP RESOLUTIONS

Be Practical
Don't think of any resolution which is not practical to achieve. Planning unrealistic resolutions will not going to help. If you are a party person and resolute to stay away from drinks is somewhat seems hard to achieve.
Work on one at a time
if you have so many resolutions or goals set up for yourself for the new year then it is better to work on one at a time. Some of your goals may be contradictory. For instance, if you have a resolution of saving money and clear all the debts but on the other hand, you have set up a goal of travelling different places as well, they might not go together. It is always better to work on one goal at a time.
Plan ahead
if you are reading this post and just thought of making new year's resolution, you are probably too late. Last minute made resolutions may depend on your mood and attitude on that particular day. You may want something different and better out of you. Planning ahead will make you think over your weaknesses or strengths which you'd like to get rid of or sharpen respectively.
Don't punish yourself
If, somehow, you are not meeting your goals due to physical, financial, social or any other reason, punishing yourself is not the solution. Don't let it hard for you. For instance, working out too much in the gym to make up for the lost fitness regime is not a healthy practice if you have losing weight as one of your resolutions. Accept the incremental change and more will eventually follow.
Keep trying
As Thomas A. Edison said," Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." If somehow you are not succeeding in your resolution as 92% of people don't (referring to the University of Scranton research), the only way to keep the hope alive is to keep trying.

As 2015 is drawing to a close and all of you who have planned to become globe-trotter, richer, slimmer, more knowledgeable and no smoker, I wish you all the best for 2016 !

'Tis the time for New Year's Resolution !

124 days, yes, I had to spend 124 days at my job working diligently so that my probation period is over and I could secure my job officially. Someone has just secured his life taking advantage of those 124 days. You guessed it right !

This is about the juvenile who is labelled so just because he was 124 days or 6 months short of his 18^thbirthday at the time of the crime he committed. He is, therefore, not tried as an adult by the court irrespective of the violent nature of the alleged crime he committed. His other partners in crime are still behind the bars and waiting for the judgement of death penalty to be called into action, one of them eventually committing suicide. They are the culprits involved in the heinous gang-rape which shook the conscience of every human being who heard or read about it.

incredible opinions - Catch me if you can - Juvenile

This image is downloaded from www.freeimages.com and is free for commercial use.

Everyone is so curious to know about at least the name of this juvenile whose information is not released so far. His identity has been hidden.On the contrary, Nirbhaya's real name has been publicly announced by her parents as Jyoti Pandey.

The juvenile has completed his 3 years of reformation period at the Juvenile Reformation Centre and is free now. Not forgetting to mention that he is given a sewing machine and a financial aid of Rs.10,000 by Delhi Government so that he can run his own little business to make his both ends meet. According to the counsellor who worked with him in reformation centre said that he hardly noticed any reformation in him over 3 years and he is rather not at all remorseful of his act. The worst part is that he did it to prove his masculinity over Nirbhaya.

What would be the future of the juvenile even if he is roaming free now? Would he consider himself free though? Would he be able to enjoy his freedom? Would he be able to prove it to the world that he is a changed man now? Would somebody be able to marry off their daughter to him so that he can have a family of his own?

The juvenile has learned the law better than many of us. He now knows how to use the law in his favour. In the reformation centre, he was given more protection than rest of his fellow mates in the crime. He protested in the reformation centre for his favourite staff to be brought back again and for his other rights which he knows well now. There should be some tests/evaluation which can evaluate the age of the mind not the body and thus prosecution should be based on the age of the mind.

Since the much awaited Juvenile Justice Bill has been passed, it is ensured that at least we won't have any other juvenile who'll try to save himself from the prosecution based on his age if he has committed a heinous crime. The bill, unfortunately, won't be able to deliver justice to Nirbhaya as her one of the rapists is freed before the bill is passed. Should I say "justice delayed is justice denied" or "better late than never !".

Catch me if you can ! - Juvenile

Sexual violence, sexual assault, sexual harassment or sexual abuse, all of these terms refer to one heinous crime which is not only despicable but also unacceptable for humankind. It should not be mistaken only for rape. Sexual violence is a kind of physical or psychological violence which disturbs the sexual integrity of the victim. The victims suffer traumatic experiences all through their lives be it social, physical or psychological.

The perpetrator can be a stranger as well as someone very close to the victim. According to the 2013 statistics of National Crime Records Bureau, out of all the reported sexual crimes in India, 98% of them were committed by someone known to the victim (source:NCRB).

This image is downloaded from www.freeimages.com and is free for commercial use

The victims often prefer to hide the sexual assault because of fear, humiliation and negative social attitudes towards them. The perpetrators attack their victims irrespective of their sex. Men or boys do not report sexual assault cases because it will affect their masculinity and nobody is going to believe them. These are main reasons why most of the cases of sexual violence go unreported.

Not reporting sexual violence is an individual's rational decision but one should consider their following rights and possibilities before taking a decision.

Medical Treatment
If victims are going to keep the sexual violence against them a secret to themselves without telling anyone, they are denying themselves medical help as well. The first and foremost attention they would probably need, is the medical attention. They should, at least, report the incident to the doctor to seek medical examination if the assault has affected their body against any sexually transmitted disease, physical damage or any unwanted pregnancy.

Not to forget that the medical examination should be conducted by RMP (Registered Medical Practitioner) employed in a hospital run by Government. An RMP cannot conduct examination without the victim's consent. The Supreme Court of India has also adjudicated that police confiscation is not required to conduct medical examination.

The controversial "Two Finger test" has been denied by the Supreme Court of India and thus, cannot be used against rape survivor's test of ‘habituation to sexual intercourse’. This test has been ruled out due to its unscientific and inhuman approach.

Not letting it happen to others
The victims should report it to the police considering the fact that the attacker can attack someone else too. Reporting the sexual violence would result in removing the perpetrator from the society or at least would put him in a position where he cannot cause harm to anyone else. It is going to empower the victim because the perpetrator would have assumed the victim is going to remain silent and would not report it to anyone. He can continue committing the crime and intimidating his victims.

The victim should not consider cultural and social hindrances in going forward and reporting it by not letting the abuser hurt anyone else in the future. They shouldn't be rather called victims but survivors who come out of the assault bravely and fight against the crime. It has been bravely quoted by a famous Indian social activist, Ms. Sunitha Krishnan, who herself was gang-raped by eight men when she was 15 and works towards rescuing and rehabilitating sexual violence victims into the society:

"Society makes you feel cheap. I chose not to feel like a victim. I am not a victim. I am a survivor. I speak about it with a lot of pride, because I am proud of what I have become today. I have not done a mistake. I don't want my face to blurred. I am not to be ashamed for. The guys that have done it should be hiding their faces and they should be blurring their faces."
(source:http://www.voicesofyouth.org/en/posts/sunitha-krishnan---anti-trafficking-crusader-)

Counselling
Sexual attacks can leave the victims with psychological disturbances which may affect their social life. Confiding with someone closer and reporting them about the sexual violence attacks can be helpful in reviving interpersonal behaviour after the trauma. There are many social counselling and therapy centres in India where victims can receive rehabilitation, protection and treatment. The newest ones are "Nirbhaya Crisis Centres" named after New Delhi gang-rape victim, Nirbhaya. These centres are proposed to be opened in all states of India and union territories by Government of India. Swabhiman and Swanchetan are some other foundations in India who help victims of sexual violence to restore their rights. There are so many programmes in place worldwide to ensure women's safety and defending them against any voilence through various aids. Amnesty International (AI), Human Rights Watch (HRW), I'm Worth Defending (IWD) and World Organization Against Torture (WOAT) to name a few.

"Silence is the best answer" as we always say before retaliating but it should not be labelled as "a survival technique". When mind is going through trauma, victims should not consider silence as the only solution for social-implications of the attack. Reporting the crime should be the better choice. Let's not just stay alive and let the memories of the assault fade into the past.

I’m writing this blog post to support Amnesty International’s#KnowYourRights campaign at BlogAdda. You can also contribute to the cause by donating or spreading the word.

Why it is important to report sexual violence?

India has one of the oldest civilizations in the world. It consists of old traditions and customs which have also altered over the time. Although, some old traditions have never changed and they have evolved over the time. In today's times, they seem outdated and totally unfair. I find some traditions associated with Indian weddings quite outdated and they need extreme makeover according to the current generation. Undoubtedly, Indian marriages have more success rate than most of the world but I do feel that the foundation of this strong and pious bond should not be laid on the fact of gender discrimination.

incredible opinions - It's a family tradition

This image is downloaded from www.pixabay.com and is free for commercial use

One of the few Indian wedding traditions which annoy me the most is the enforced extravagant hospitality by the bride's family. The bride's parents have to spend a lot to please the groom's family with their hospitality which is totally unnecessary. The so-called tradition makes them save for their daughter's wedding since the day she is born. Not only they save for the wedding day expenses but also for the dowry which is nowadays called "gifts" to daughter on her wedding. It is so sad and unfortunate to see many educated people offering gifts to the grooms of their daughters and grooms also accepting them shamelessly or even demanding it sometimes referring the dowry to 'It's a family tradition'.

Another tradition which needs to alter is the change of the first and the last name for the bride. The bride should have every right to keep her identity. It should not be enforced on her to change her last name to her husband's last name. She can retain her father's last name if she wants who has been her part of existence as well. In some parts of India, the bride is also asked to change her first name because of some horoscopic demands or simply her in-laws don't like her first name. All in all, the bride has to give it all.

Some women are not allowed to continue their professional careers after their weddings. They have to give up all their dreams they have soared over the years while growing up. They should only be doing household chores and be responsible for taking care of the family as per "family traditions". Men, on the other hand, never give up anything be it their last name or their careers. They never undergo any drastic changes in their lives as women do. The onus is always on the women to leave their homes and careers for the sake of their husband's wish.

Typical Indian wedding traditions, in one way or the other, demean woman as such her parents are marrying her off because she has been a misfortune for them. We should understand that a tradition should not be followed merely because it is old and being followed for a long time. Nothing is more unjust to disparage one sex to the other, be it in the name of "family tradition".

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

‘It’s A Family Tradition’

Exploring different places by travelling definitely soothes mind and is an adventure in itself. Our adventure should not be bothersome for someone else. Responsible tourism is an initiative which should be practiced by both the traveller and the locals of the tourist place. I have travelled five different countries in the last five years. From my personal experience of travelling, I am going to jot down few points with which we can make our tourism, a better visit to places and a better place to be visited.

incredible opinions - Responsible Tourism

This image is downloaded from www.pixabay.com and is free for commercial use

We should keep this in mind that the place we are visiting may have different laws, rules and orders in place than our own native place. These may include traffic and driving rules. They may be more modest or conservative than us. They may not like public display of affection. Their dress sense may differ from us. We should respect and follow their rules in order to maintain modesty and decorum. We should not dress and act inappropriately according to their beliefs. We should not take photographs or shoot videos where they are strictly prohibited.We should not forget that we are also representing our own country/city wherever we are visiting.It is always nice to be remembered as a global citizen as well.

We should research a little about the locals of the place we are visiting so that we should be at ease with them while interacting. Hiring a local guide is certainly going to help someone earn an income while we can discover more from a local's point of view. It is a give and take in terms of respect. On the other hand, natives of the tourist place should make visitors feel at home. They should be hospitable enough and represent a perfect example of hosts.

We should also be careful about our dining choices while at a destination spot. Respecting the local food is another way of respecting their culture and traditions and one should not promote cruelty when it comes to eating habits. The best way is to simply ask the locals where we can find an affordable place to dine. It is always nice to look for locally owned restaurants which helps in promoting their economy as well.

We should use local transport system to go to different places which in fact would be cheaper and easier to commute. It also helps in interacting with locals more as we'd find locals sitting next to us in the public transport. We also get to see more around in local transport system than taxi.Promoting local brands while shopping also helps the local industry to thrive. Please ensure that we are not into excessive bargaining as well because we might be saving a few rupees for us but it might be a whole day's worth of work for the locals.

We should be careful though about some rogues around who can rip us off. Keeping a close eye on our own belongings all the time would certainly help. Never leave your belongings unattended at any point of time. Taking out your wallet to give money to beggars is definitely not a smart choice. Instead, we can help the local communities by donating or working their voluntarily.

Last but not the least, reduction in the waste is one of the biggest asks in the tourism industry. We should not litter or let anyone litter while we are on our vacation. Some people tend to mark their names or messages on the spots where they visit to keep it in their memories. We should not practice such kind of devastation to the nature and other resources meant for everyone to enjoy equally.

I am blogging for #ResponsibleTourism activity by Outlook Traveller in association with BlogAdda

Responsible Tourism

I wasn't really convinced to write that Indians are getting intolerant until I woke up to the storm of news, social media lashes and protests against Aamir Khan’s comment which he did in one of his interviews.

incredible opinions - stop overreacting and over-analyzing

This image is downloaded from www.pixabay.com and is free for commercial use

Let me make it clear that I am not a die-hard fan of Aamir Khan. I do watch his movies every now and then. I am also a proud citizen of India who understands the fact that everyone has a freedom of expression which clearly doesn't mean that people should only say what you like to hear.

His statement goes like this :
“When I chat with Kiran at home, she says, ‘Should we move out of India?’ That’s a disastrous and big statement for Kiran to make. She fears for her child. She fears what the atmosphere around us will be. She feels scared to open the newspapers every day.”

He is bold enough to let it out in public what his wife and he think about their child’s safety in India. He never said in his statement that he appreciated his wife’s thought of moving out of India and he rather called it a disastrous statement to make.

Over-reacting at Aamir Khan’s statement, “intolerant” people are only proving him right. Just because he is a celebrity, he shouldn't be accused of saying something which is against patriotism. He doesn't need to prove his patriotism to anybody just like us. India does not have something like “Aadhar Card” to show the level of patriotism one has towards the country.

How can we forget his work towards the welfare of our society when he addresses different social issues of our country in Satyamev Jayate? Nobody rates his patriotism then.

We should stop judging celebrities on their statements or at least stop over- reacting on them. They have their own lives besides what we see on camera screens and they have every right to think about their families and themselves. They don’t interfere in our ways of life so why should we do it to them. We should better use our criticism there when someone is being beaten to death just on the basis of rumours that he ate beef.

Stop overreacting and over-analyzing

Menstruation has been a very sensitive topic in our country. As far as I remember, my teachers flipped the pages and skipped the chapter where it was discussed in details. Even I wasn’t told about this physical change in my body by my family before it actually happened to me. The day I got my first periods made me scared to death that I had blood cancer and I would die soon. Not only the ignorance about this painful physical change disturbs a girl but also a lot of taboos associated with it follows her rest of the life.

This image is downloaded from official facebook page of Happy to bleed.

It is almost the end of 2015 and in a country where youth consists the major part of the population, worshipping centuries old taboos really doesn’t make sense at all. One of such case of blindly followed tradition is in Sabrimala Temple in Kerala where ladies aged 10 - 50 are not allowed. The priest in this temple has also demanded a scanner to scan the ladies if they are menstruating so that they can be refused to worship the same God who created them.

All thanks to the brave heart, Ms. Nikita Azad, who actually took it as a serious offence to her self-respect and brought it to the public attention worldwide. She launched a campaign #happytobleed against the prevailing patriarchal society we live in. In India, we worship female deities and we do not allow females into the temples when they are bleeding. Men and women are biologically different so why women are considered lesser beings in any aspect. Women go through the painful process of bleeding for most part of their lives which ensures their reproductive health. A biological process with which a new life is brought into this world.

The #happytobleed campaign is not about protesting against not letting women into the temples while they are having their periods. It is against the prevailing patriarchal society where women can be refused their rights on the grounds of them being just women. Girls like Ms. Azad show the modern picture of young Indian women who are not going to take their regressive images lightly and would challenge every finger being raised towards their non-equality quotient with men. It is not going to happen in a day but Rome was not built in a day either !

Happy to bleed

Once again it is a wedding season in India and I have every other excuse to visit India. The country where everything seems changed even if I visit after a few months. This time I am visiting India after the country has got her new Prime Minister. Her capital got a new Chief Minister. This is just about a little change I mentioned.

This image is downloaded from www.pixabay.com and is free for commercial use

After spending 30 hours in the long connecting flights, I finally reached Indira Gandhi International Airport where my family was waiting for me to arrive. I was so excited as soon as my plane landed and touched the ground of my holy motherland. I, immediately, started feeling even more desi and why not, I am surrounded by people who can speak and understand the first language I ever learnt to speak.

I quickly got off the plane and rushed to the immigration counter before collecting my luggage. At immigration counter, there were few people already waiting for their turns. I got myself in the queue and after that, a lot of people who got off from different flights followed me but not in the queue. Interestingly, "the middle aged man" who followed me was not following the zigzag pattern of the queue which the authorities at the airport have enforced by placing the little poles. This was clearly to save the space and more people can be fitted in the queue. I requested the "the middle aged man" behind me who was clearly out of the loop in the queue and has a long line-up of people who were blindly following him and do not seem to have visited India before. I was quite shocked at his reply for just asking him to follow the queue pattern properly. I was told that it is India (which I'd not have otherwise known) and everything should not be followed. I am also told that here you should not stop your car at the red traffic signal because it is India.

"The middle aged man" seemed very Indian in his appearance doesn't matter which country he flew from. I am very shocked at the picture of India being presented at the airport by a fellow Indian to me which I didn't even ask for. I just realized that the queue fell apart at some point and some security personnel came to ask people to line up properly and the same "middle aged man" was in proper queue.

We are fighting over the intolerance issue in our country right now. This is not going to solve by returning awards or arguing in the parliament. This can be solved by self consciousness by simple means. "The middle aged man" would have respected and followed every other law and order in the country where flew from but what happened when he was in India? He knew that nobody is going to enforce the law and order where he was standing at that time, he was taking it for granted. In my opinion - we, Indians, are the highest tolerant people in the world when it comes to law and order and highly intolerant when someone asks us to follow them as well.

How intolerant are we?

Today is my second Karva Chauth. For those who don’t know what Karva Chauth is - It is a fast kept by married Indian women for the long life of their husbands.

incredible opinions - Karva Chauth by regressive indian women

This image is downloaded from www.freeimages.com and is free for commercial use

My day started at 4:30 am when I offered prayers and ate “Sargi” from mom-in-law. Around 7am, I was in the train for work. Spending whole day at work and working tirelessly, I was at home from work by 7pm. I did Karva Chauth rituals and waited for the moon. By 11pm, I ended my fast and prayed for the long life of my husband and strong bond of our marriage.

Some of you may be thinking that a progressive Indian woman should not believe in such rituals as nobody is going to get extra years of life by keeping his wife hungry or an educated woman should not believe in praying moon where some of us have already been to in a spacecraft. We should not simply follow a tradition just because it is old.

I am keeping Karva Chauth not because my mom or mom-in-law forced me into this but because I want to experience it. I want to be a part of the celebration associated with it when the whole family enjoys the feast at night. I want to adorn myself with the best jewelry I possess on this day (even though for a shorter time, as I spent 12 hours in commuting and work) which I normally don’t get to do most often. I want to put on the best dress I have. In short, I am keeping it because I want to.

I consider myself a progressive woman and I do abolish some rituals sometimes which I do not believe in. I follow all the rituals which I believe would not harm anyone while performing them. On the other hand, I also strongly believe that all of our rituals and traditions link to some scientific reasons. For example, Fasting relates to Ayurveda and ancient medical science according to which fasting helps in retaining the emotional balance of the body as well as its mechanisms are cleansed. So, all the progressive 21st century people, you must be going to Yoga classes and therefore, you must believe in Ayurveda.

I don’t know if my fasting will make my husband’s life expectancy longer or not, one thing I am sure about is that I learnt self-discipline by keeping Karva Chauth and my body gets rid of the toxins when all the digestive organs are at rest. Thanks to Ayurveda !

Karva Chauth by a progressive Indian Woman

It has been eight years since I left India for higher studies and work. It does feel a long time when I hear stories of how much India has changed in those last eight years.

This image is downloaded from www.freeimages.com and is free for commercial use

Back in my university days in Punjab, I’d return home late commuting in the bus and never felt unsafe. I’d spend more time in university so that I could use all the study resources at university which we couldn’t afford at home. Ultimately, I was the first girl in my conservative clan to have won “Gold Medal” in academics and got an opportunity to study abroad. My father, without giving a second thought, helped me in preparing for Canada despite continuous repulsion from relatives and friends on why is he sending “a girl” alone to a foreign land.

I have been always proud of my Indian culture, traditions, values, the ‘unity in diversity’ essence and the compassion every Indian adorns. The most important pride I carried with me is the freedom - the freedom of choice and voice - courtesy of my liberal father !

In the last few years, I noticed a different picture of India. It is hard to believe that She is the same country where I am brought up keeping my head high of her being the largest democracy in the world. My heart bleeds to know about the rapes happening in the country and finding that not even little girls are spared from this brutal crime. We read articles, we protest on the streets, we debate on news channels, we debate in parliament, we pass few “strict” laws to ensure girls’ safety. Do they make a slight difference?

Of course not ! Delhi wouldn’t be stigmatized with the rapes of minors in the last 2 weeks. I am ashamed even sitting 50,000 miles away from India, the country who has given me my legacy and prepared me to prove my worth on a foreign land and to make her proud. No matter how fair I fare, only a single mention of unsecured women in India is enough to bow down my head in shame amongst my friends in Toronto !

Today, Canada’s federal elections were held. My riding has all the 4 candidates as women. I am so proud once again for something which I’ve always dreamed about happening in India. Women in power is a long way to go. First, we have to ensure that they feel safe in India even in daylight. When will my birth country achieve this? Long way to go my friends !!!

Charity begins at home so let’s just start making a difference from our own lives. Let your daughter feel that you are lucky to have her in your life and let your son know the same. Educating men about women rights is equally important so that they don’t treat women as piece of trash.

I wish every girl child is blessed with a father like mine who would give equal respect to her so that she could also be proud of the country and the family she is born in !